Mentally Unraveled

The overwhelming desire to feel whole again, to feel as if time hasn’t just flown by and your heart is yet to completely heal. To feel powerless over your mind running a million miles per hour and to never be able to speak the words you want to speak. You cry until you can’t bare to shed another tear, you hide behind a fake quiet smile in hopes that someone will try to figure out something is wrong. You want to convince yourself it’s all part of the process, it’s ok, your ok. But, you also ask yourself to what extent do you go to boost others self esteem that you leave yours behind. Is there such thing as a light at the end of the tunnel, could there be hours that your body can finally rest? People are selfish, heavy on your heart and don’t even realize it. They ask “Why are you this way?” but never do they ask “Why am I this way?”

Drained, exhausted and empty, when you just want to help others not realizing all they do is take until you have nothing left. You breakdown, you wonder is it me? Am I what they say I am? They say shedding tears won’t help you gain anything, IT HELPS you gain relief, IT HELPS put you in perspective of all the emotions you have built up. The triggers are real, what you feel is real, don’t let anyone tell you you’re CRAZY, INSECURE, BITTER, or EASILY BOTHERED. You can feel what you want to feel just don’t let it consume you. I know it’s so hard not to be triggered, not let it consume you and not let it drain you. So, your left with tears running down your face, your heart palpitating so hard it hurts and you just want to finally say “I am healed, I am over it.” Loneliness comes over you, you feel isolated and you just want to run away.

All these thoughts and feelings run through your mind and body.

But there is hope. There is always hope. You are IMPORTANT, enough to love, to take care of, respect, be treated equally and not like what you do is always wrong. You are LOVED, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE WANTED AND YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

Self care is key. Take care of yourself first, find a doctor/therapist if you need to. Talk to someone, seek God, love yourself.

You can’t change anyone or depend on anyone for your quality of life.

The pain you feel today let it be, because tomorrow is a new day. Breathe, close your eyes and just KNOW THE FEELINGS ARE ONLY TEMPORARY. Live your life knowing you will have moments and you are imperfect BUT that’s ok. As long as you’re moving forward to becoming a better you, all the past pain will continue to fade.