Spinning in circles like a merry go round. Buried under the piles of thoughts, trying to claw myself out. There are days I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder, no where to hide. I tiptoe over this dark cloud, that hovers over my eyes, to grasp a glance of light. I can see myself so far away, so out of reach. The tears shed behind closed doors, in the car on the way home or just sitting in the shadows of the night sky. So, exhausted of the constant struggle, driven to the edge of my sanity.
Wanting to understand how I got here and how can I get myself out.
Working so hard to shed the old skin as I learn about myself again. The mask I try so hard to carry, I can no longer hold up. The overwhelming decision to conquer my mindset to build new habits. I ask myself “where do I even start?” The rambling words turning in my head like a hamster wheel. My mental, emotional & physical state is completely at a stand still. The insignificance of my tears and bad days I just can longer deal with. Fed up with the weariness and drained feeling.
Is it even possible to run away from my reality? Can I sleep my days away?
What can I do to relieve this pain?
I finally hit rock bottom where I stood there, with no other option then to look inward and figure out what I needed to succeed. I finally stopped seeking superficial means to satisfy my void. I finally looked at myself in the mirror and pin pointed the issues at hand. I took that step to getting therapy, letting go of people who no longer served me and to finally start healing.
It is never easy to really sit in the pile of mistakes we make, to admit to them and to simply say “I messed up!” But, once we do face our reality, everything seems to fall into place. The dark clouds start to fade away one by one. But, no matter where you are on your journey, keep pushing yourself to learn from your mistakes as your old self fades away.
YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE WORTHY! 💗💋🌹
“The only competition that matters the most in life, is the one between you and your old self.”― Edmond Mbiaka
Mentally Unraveled 
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