Mentally Unraveled

Wiping away every tear as you confess your sorrows. Your heart so broken you never knew you could cry so much. As I sit to listen to every word you mutter, I desire to take your pain away. So young, so innocent to what the world has waiting for you. Looking into your eyes wondering If I could of warned you. Endless paths you could of taken but would you still have gone through everything anyways? Is the pain you endured for so many years really make you who you are? Is it really all worth it?

We don’t choose to come into this world and honestly we don’t get to choose how we grow up until well we actually are all grown up. But, once we are all grown up it’s like someone tosses you a map to life and we are to maneuver in it all over again. The journey to self discovery, self care, self love and maybe even healing. Could a parent teach the child such confidence, independence and UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE and have that child grow up without feeling as if a piece missing? Or are we just all wired to be partially broken and that as we grow up its our job to fix it?

I never thought I was broken, not until I had my first child. I knew then that everything I thought I knew was non existent. I realized I was broken because the life I lived I assumed was normal, I assumed everyone lived in that matter. No one I knew had a healthy relationship with their family and neither did I. But looking at my daughter I knew that every single thing that happened to me, that was said to me or done around me I could never do that to her. I had to relearn and still am learning what life is all about. Coping mechanism, love, forgiveness, letting go of hidden pain etc… I have to do all that while raising some amazing kids.

As a parent I try to balance the tough love, patience, the compassion, leadership, the friend they need sometimes but also their Protector. I will always be their Lioness, here to guard them, help them and love them. But, man is it hard to want to give and teach when your bank is at negative. Having to deposit into my mind and into my heart so I can learn as I teach them.

But, I rather be learning as I teach then ever reteach anything I have ever learned.

Id rather look in the mirror and when I see that little girl, who was so sad but didn’t even know it, I can tell her “You are doing an amazing job as a grown up, you took some wrong turns and broke down a couple of times but you are still standing. People doubted you, looked down on you but you are proving them wrong! You have beautiful, strong, intelligent daughters who you are teaching about self love, self worth and to love LOVE. I know we weren’t taught these things but that’s ok because we took hold of our lives and here we are. I am proud of the little girl you were the young woman you became and the woman we are becoming. I love you!”

It is hard, it is messy and it is exhausting. But, no matter where you stand in this journey we are given there is always an opportunity to relearn to love yourself, to seek your self worth and to finally live the life you desire.

YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE ENOUGH! 🌹💋🧡

“I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.”

― Madonna