Mentally Unraveled

If only I could tell you my thoughts, but I know you would look at me differently. If only I could put your hand over my heart, but you wouldn’t even feel a beat. If only you could take a tour of my mind, you would see every sad memory that lingers. If only you could hear the words, I replay constantly to reassure myself. If only you could sit next to me on the bathroom floor as I cry so no one can see me breakdown. If only you could try to catch the breath I lose when my anxiety is at its highest. If only you can see the world the way I do, so COLORLESS. If only you could step inside my body and feel the heaviness, I try so hard to get rid of. If only you could see why it’s taking longer to mend the cracks in my heart. If only you could take my soul and make it anew. If only you could get a sense of what my body feels like when it is immobilized, and my brain just keeps yelling “MOVE”, yet nothing happens. No matter how hard I try to describe it you will never know what it feels like to be me, but I never want you to. As much as you try to take the pain away its going to take time to shed all the tears, to bring up all the old memories and heal everything I suppressed.

If only you could really understand me, ONLY then you would know that it’s not easy being me. It is exhausting to say the least.

YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE WORTHY & YOU ARE ENOUGH!🌹💋❤️

“The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren’t the ones people see on the outside. They’re the ones that make us bleed internally.”

― Sherrilyn Kenyon