The door slams loud as I rush you into your room. Cranking Barney so loud so your little ears couldn’t hear the screams of mercy in the kitchen. The beatings taken by the woman in “love”. The angry deep voice that would follow demanding respect. Poundings against the wall that would shake your toys. I would smile and distract you. You were oblivious of all the chaos. I knew that if I didn’t leave HE would come into the room and you would be next. Nothing mattered more than you, not even HER cries. I knew SHE chose this life but you didn’t. Taking the chance to run with you in my arms, barefooted outside we went. All while he waved a gun in the air. My thoughts were of hope, hope he would end his life to end our misery. Ultimately I seeked help through a neighbor. I was 10.
The car shakes as HE speeds down the road and threatens to end all of our lives by crashing. I was in the back seat shifting side to side with my arms spread wide as an eagle all to protect you and now your little sister. Knowing that if we died, we would die together. Being your protector it was as if I didn’t know what fear was. All while SHE utters words of reassurance, that HE was the only one for HER, as HE beats HER with a 40 oz beer bottle. HE is drunk. SHE is in love. I was 13.
I was a child protecting another child. I thought I was 6 feet tall and had armor that no one could pierce through. He was born when I was just 8. I protected him for so many years without hesitation. I would ask to stay longer at HER house because I knew if I was there he would be ok. So many years and so many secrets kept to myself so my mom would let me stay. She didn’t know until later. My nephew was born in a world he didn’t ask for. Of course there is good in the midst of the bad but SHE chose the beatings and humiliation. He didn’t. I didn’t. I suffered in silence with him but at least I was with him. When I was with him he was safe.
I never knew what love looked like until he came into my world. They say your father is a girl’s first love. I didn’t have that either but I had him. I knew that what I didn’t get I wanted him to have. If only I was an adult back then I would have taken him away for good. But, he grew into a fine, amazing husband and father. So all in all WE won.
YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE ENOUGH! 💗💋🌹
“People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival” -Joy Marino
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